Thursday, July 9, 2009

A belated RIP to Michael and my childhood...

My mom called me in tears at work Tuesday, after watching Michael Jackson's memorial. my hubby was recording it for me, so I didn't know anything about what I was going to see, hear, or experience. She told me it was beautiful and very sad, and I told her I wasn't sure if I should watch it then, because I have been very stressed out and emotional lately. So much so, that I really hadn't accepted that MJ was truly gone. I didn't know if the memorial would send me into a downward spiral or help me start the grieving process. She said I should definately watch it, but only when I thought I was ready.
I got home from work and was talking to hubby about it. He'd been watching it all day, along with the commentary about things Michael had done that were so amazingly good, that hubby had no idea about. He wanted to know why no one ever reported on any of the good stuff and why MJ didnt' have a publicist or something to make it all known and to get credit for it. I told him that people (for the most part) pay more attention to dirt and negative things, so the media reports it and makes more money. I also told him that MJ didn't want credit for his good deeds, he did them because he was an extraordinary, kind, and gentle soul. My husband had a whole new perspective of MJ, and believe me, that was amazing in itself, because he was a hard-core skeptic when it came to MJ and his relationships with children. I'd tried and tried over the years to make him understand my feelings from DEEP in my heart that MJ didn't do those terrible things to those kids, but it was too far-out for him to get. And I understand that most people didn't get it, either. But I did. Don't ask me how, but I understood MJ completely. It hurts so bad to think of the pain he endured, all the while trying so hard to help people. We didn't deserve him.
He was such a huge part of my (and millions of others') childhood. My sister and my cousin were giant fans, my sister had a red jacket from the "Beat It" video, and she and my cousin would put on shows for us. It was hilarious. I've been a fan since I was 4 years old, listening to 8-track tapes of the Jackson 5 and the Carpenters in my parents' car. My mom told me once, that after listening to "I'll Be There" with her in the car, I sighed, turned to her and said, "I love him and am going to marry him when I grow up." Isn't that funny?
It seems every stage in my life had Michael in it somehow. There will be an emptiness now. I will miss him terribly and am so thankful I was alive during his time on Earth. He was an inspiration as an entertainer, and as a truly good person.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Has it really been 3 1/2 months?!

Ok people, there is a whole slew of blog awards for really great blogs and their writers. I hereby state that there should be an award for "Most Inconsistant Blogger" (which is kind of an oxymoron since if you are the most inconsistant, than that is consistantly inconsistant, which isn't inconsistant at all). I am going to just throw out there that I should be the first recipient of this award. Anyone care to second this nomination? Anyone? Hello??!!

Ahem. Anyway, for those of you who might check in from time to time and see that there hasn't been an update in over a trimester of pregnancy (Hi Audra! Welcome little Olivia!), I am going to let y'all in on my life.

I am working again. Thank God. I was off for over a month after the bakery closed. I now work for the doctor who fixed my husband's foot. We got to be good friends with him and as soon as he was able, he put me to work. I take care of his adorable 1-year old daughter on Mondays, and work at his office the rest of the week. I am happy to be back in the medical field again, it's easy work for me, but I also am learning a lot... since I've never worked with feet before. I really feel that this is a rewarding field as far as helping people, because foot pain and problems are easily some of the worst things that can be wrong with someone. I mean, you can't just decide to walk on your hands, after all.

Hubby's foot is doing great. Everything is healed perfectly and he is walking on it very well. The ultimate test and proof for both of us was a couple of weeks ago, grocery shopping at WalMart. He was able to get all the shopping done with me, without sitting down to rest or using a motorized cart. Also, we took the boat out on Easter Sunday with some visiting relatives, and I had to park the truck pretty far away... he walked to the truck no problem. It was so awesome.

My husband has been in bands for over 30 years. He started a new band with his foot doctor, and a couple of guys he'd been in bands with before. I've always wanted to sing backups, but never had the chance (all his previous bands were established, or I was rasing kids, or working full-time, etc.). Well, I spouted off that I wanted to sing in the band too, and he took me up on it, so now I am the back-up singer!!! We are in the rehearsal stages right now, but are looking to play locally from time to time toward the end of the summer. I really got scared when hubby told me he told the band I wanted to sing, and they said why not... I wasn't sure I could sing well enough and almost chickened out. Then I thought, "well, I've always wanted to do this, and at this age I most likely won't get another chance... so I really should go for it." I've never sang in public before except for Jr. High choir and I can't say I won't be terrified our first few gigs, but it's fun and I am a better singer than I thought. It's totally different though, hearing yourself through a speaker than just in your head with the radio....LOL. You have to listen to yourself OUTSIDE of your head... it's weird and hard to explain, but cool.

My home situation went from bad to worse. My MIL is now living in her 5th wheel in our backyard. I hate it. On a bit of a bright note, she went back east a couple of weeks ago and it took some stress off my mind, but I think she is planning on flying back (on her broom... ha ha Harmony!) this weekend. I wish she would just stay there forever. I also wish my step-daughter would go too. Yep, she and her son are still living with us. I can say that things are marginally better as far as that goes, but she has to be ridden HARD to keep up with the things she is supposed to do around the house. She is exactly the same as she was when she was a kid. She still doesn't have a job, but I will give her the fact that nobody can get work in this town right now.

Hubby's work has been somewhat better with the big asshole gone, but they are really slow and he is only getting part-time hours most weeks. We are hanging on by a thread, but that's better than no threads like a lot of people... I am thankful for anything.

Ummmm, let's see... I can't really think of anything else going on, hubby and I are getting over the flu (again), my iron levels are down again (don't know if I ever posted about that before or not), it's getting hot here, and I need to lose 30 lbs. LOL!
We got some really gorgeous pictures of Storm last week, and as soon as the our friend sends us the disc of proofs, I'll post one or two for you guys.
I really REALLY want to post regularly again, I can get online at lunch time so maybe I can sneak in a quick post at least once a week (sheesh)... I think it helps my mental state to write stuff down, although my favorite things to post are upbeat and/or funny. Maybe someday I'll get to that point again. I hope.

Friday, January 30, 2009

OMG... two posts in one week!

Yep, it's true. I'm posting today. Hubby is sick with the flu, he's been off all week (slow at work again), baby is asleep, step-daughter is watching tv, dogs are napping. I should be cleaning the house, but really, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I get resentful that no one really helps much to keep it up, and I am tired of being mad. It's making me sick.

Hubby (in his infinate wisdom) actually said, "Well, this is what you've been wanting for so long... to stay home and keep house!" Is he kidding me? Yes, I've been longing for years to be able to stay home and keep up the perfect house, and have dinner ready when he gets home from work, and grocery shop and all the rest. BUT... not under these circumstances. It's chaos here from sun-up to sun-down. I meant BY MYSELF. I do not do well with constant stress, noise, and confusion. I get nothing accomplished, and all I can do is think about escaping. It would actually be better if it was just the baby here. My step-daughter's presence raises the stress-level in this house to ridiculous heights. Even the baby is 1,000 times calmer when she is out doing things and I, or my hubby and I are taking care of him. It's insane.

I don't know what I'm going to do, because I really don't think I can do this much longer. Then I realize there is no end in sight, and I get very despondant about that. I keep thinking I'll get used to it, like I have so many other times about crap I've had to deal with like this, but I'm just not so sure this time. For one thing, I don't want to get used to it. That's a big difference. I tend to suck things up and just keep going. Because I want to. But I don't think I want to play that game with myself any more.
On a good note, we got a call the other day from hubby's boss (the supposed friend), who told us that the SOB foreman up and quit with no notice! We were stunned and thrilled all at the same time. I am hoping that this will make his life way easier at work, the physical part will still be hard, but at least there won't be a scumbag piece of shit on his ass all the time and turning everyone there against my hubby. We'll see how it goes, but it should be a million times better. Thank God!
I'm still not working, but am collecting unemployment for now, which oddly enough, is a tiny bit more than I was making at the bakery. It's still not enough to pay all the bills, but it's better than nothing. I have an interview next Tuesday at a Dr.'s office for part-time front desk help, and it comes with benefits too. I'm curious to see what the pay is, hours are, and bennies they include. I'm excited though!



Saturday, January 24, 2009

Bruised and bloody, she rises from the battlefield

I would imagine some of you (hi, Harmony!) think I've disappeared from the blogosphere forever. Well, truth be told, I almost did. Then I read a post on my good friend's (hi, Harmony!) blog about how some people are way too caught up on being busy.
Guilty as charged.I'd like to think that some of the information on my life that I've shared, would have readers nodding their heads and saying, "Yes, she certainly is a busy girl". And, in light of recent developments which I will illustrate in a minute, I still think I can utilize the excuse of being "too busy". I will also cite exhaustion as a runner-up excuse. However, I don't want to play that game any more. As I sit here typing away, I realize that I am feeling a sense of satisfaction at having done something for me... for ME. Small as it is, I feel good doing it. I can chalk this up to being a good day. I am blogging, and I took Storm and Ben to the dog park. For once, I didn't let "too busy" or his good friend "too tired" get in the way.
Thanks for the swift kick in my cushy posterior, Harmony.


Now for the newest updates (trumpet fanfare please)....

**My stepdaughter left her boyfriend, now she and my two-year old grandson live with us. They have been here since about a week after Thanksgiving. I do not know when they will be moving out, if ever. I now have a toddler terrorizing the house. I love him dearly, but this is hard and unexpected. The house is a shambles, my step-daughter is a slob, and my grandson has major issues with listening, since he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. Both is parents are incredibly lazy. It was too much work to teach him any discipline. I have to say he is getting better with some structure in his life and he adores my hubby and I.
**Christmas was good. My sister, her fiancee', my mom and her fiancee' came out to our place this year. It was all I could do to get all the decorations up, and I only did so because I realized that this was the only Christmas they would be getting. My hubby helped me a lot while I was at work, and we got it done. The house looked beautiful. My family was very appreciative of the work and we had a great time. They were here from Tuesday until Saturday.
**I have lost 22 pounds since starting my new job. Which is really funny if you think about the fact that it's at a bakery. I was running my ass off for 8 to 9 hours 4 to 5 days a week and only eating once a day. We weren't allowed to sit down at all, and if we ate during our shift, it was standing up when we got a spare minute. No breaks!!!
**Just when I was getting used to the above-mentioned job, and my feet didn't hurt like motherfuckers and my back wasn't screaming and I didn't collapse in a heap when I got home... the bakery closed. That's right. CLOSED. The financial backers got greedy and made demands on my boss that she couldn't deliver on, so they decided to bankrupt the business and take a loss. Mind you, this was a very busy and popular restaraunt and we were making good money... but it had only been open a year and was just barely starting to turn a small profit. So that's that. We got called in to a meeting this past Monday and told the bad news. I'd just worked the day before, and that was the last day we were allowed to be open. It's unbelieveable. So now I'm looking for another job. Great.
**Hubby's foot is totally healed. There is a small area where the ulcer was that just needs one of the big-size band aids, but other than that, he is wearing regular tennis shoes and walks around pretty darn good. There is still quite a bit of swelling, and his foot gets tired and sore, but nothing like the pain he was in before he got it fixed. Actually his knee on his other leg hurts the most now, but it's because the knee is having to re-align from a lifetime of bearing all the weight and walking crooked, to the ligaments and tendons are protesting at their new position. The doctor said this will all resolve itself over time. We have become good friends with his foot doctor, in fact my hubby is starting a band with him...LOL. They are together right now practicing with the other guys. So funny.
**My crazy mother-in-law is going to be living in our back yard. She decided she made a mistake leaving here so fast, and will be moving her 5th wheel to our place in the next few weeks. I am not looking forward to this at all. However, she will be paying us some rent, and helping with grocery shopping, and my hubby won't have to worry about her so much. At this point, we need all the money help we can get. With me losing another job, and hubby FINALLY back to work full-time (he only worked 16 hours the month of December... they were "too slow" to have him come in), we need to do whatever we can to save our house.
**I never wished my beautiful Storm a happy birthday. He turned 2 years old on December 7th. I love him so much, he is my guardian spirit. Happy birthday my beautiful boy.


Sunday, November 30, 2008

Life changes

Just when I thought things were going to get back to (semi) normal, I was laid off from work on Nov. 14th. I was shocked and very sad, as that was the perfect job for me. I went right out and applied for unemployment, which is taking 3 to 5 weeks to process here in Arizona, and then went to see my friend who owns the most popular bakery/restaraunt in our town to tell her what happened. She immediately offered me a job, and I have been working for her as a waitress and barista since the 18th. I am very lucky to have a job during these times, the job situation here is dismal at best. I like working for her a lot, and the other people there welcomed me with open arms. The only bad thing is, is that I am on my feet all day, and after having sitting down jobs for the last 16 years, my feet are ready to disown me. I am in agony by the 4th hour of my shift, and I can't afford to buy really good server shoes, so I just have to tough it out. It is very hard. VERY HARD. But at least it's fun and I feed off everyone's energy, so that helps.
Hubby's job has been very slow. His foot is continuing to do well, just sore at the end of the day, but he is trying to walk more without crutches in his boot. The Dr. says that he could be in regular sneakers by Christmas! The ulcer is continuing to heal, and it looks like he'll be good as new after all.
We had a nice Thanksgiving, our oldest daughter and her boyfriend came out to cook dinner for us all, and our good friends came out (all from San Diego) too. Our youngest daughter and her lame-ass boyfriend and our little grandson came down, and our nephew and his wife were over as well. It was loud, and fun. I am going to attempt to clean the house tomorrow, now that everyone is gone. I'm takin' it easy today, since Thursday was my only day off last week. I have today and tomorrow off, thank God.
I won't be posting as much (yeah, like I did so much before), but I will try to once a week. I will also try to stop in my favorite blogs once a week as well.
Wish me luck!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Feelin' mushy...

I just wanted to share one of my favorite songs. I had a wild crush on Barry Gibb when this song came out, and this video just happened to be on TV one night while my parents were watching. I heard it from my room, came out into the hall and just stood there with goose bumps and tears in my eyes. He was so gorgeous and their perfect voices just reduced me to a puddle on the floor.
Anyway, just so you know, I got goosebumps and tears all over again just watching this video. Suddenly I was 13 years old...


Bee Gees - Too Much Heaven


The only way I could get a link to come up was to e-mail the video to myself from Youtube, then copy and paste the e-mail in this post, after deleting everything but the link. It worked! :)



Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Happy birthday Ben!

Yesterday was Ben's first birthday. I found him online at a local (well, 45 minutes away) shelter. This was the picture they posted with his information. I was just scanning through pics and stopped dead at his. I fell head over heels in love. The look on his little face just killed me, like he was so shy and sad, that he just couldn't bring himself to look at the camera. That's all it took. He's adorable.

This was taken about 2 1/2 weeks before I found him and we adopted him. I told hubby about him and listed all the reasons why we should get a dog for Storm, and he agreed. The very next day, I think it was January 4th, we took Storm down to meet him and see how they got along. They were instant best friends. The lady told me that Ben was very good with other dogs, and very sweet but shy with people. It took about 3 weeks of working with him to gain his trust. He would wag his tail and entire rear end when we would try to get him to come to us, like he was saying "Sorry! I want to so bad, but I just can't!"
Anyway, I love him so much and he's the best thing that's happened to Storm. He is a great dog and I'm so thankful I found him. We took them to the dog park on Friday evening and they had a blast. There were a lot of dogs, and my dogs got along with everyone. I was very interested to see how Storm would do, it's been since last winter that he'd been to the dog park, and he did great. I had a feeling Ben would be just fine, but you never know when it's their first time... anyway he was a very good boy.

Hubby's foot is coming along. The ulcer has filled in and now it's just a matter of the skin growing over it... I still treat it twice a day. It will probably be a few more months before it's closed up. The Dr. took x-rays again on Monday and is super impressed with how the bones are healing. His joint fusions are already at 90% or more! He said that by Christmas, hubby should be walking in a regular tennis shoe! I can't believe it! That was such good news. His foot was really swollen over the weekend from working last week, but the Dr. said it was normal and that it would swell off and on for the next year. This particular surgery (Triple Arthrodesis) is notorious for swelling. AND, he said that it has a high risk of breaking down or not healing... so that was extra special good news about his bones healing so well and so fast! :)
He's been doing ok at work, but yesterday and today they didn't have enough work for everyone, so he and several other people got sent home. That's nice. I was really hoping for a full weeks' pay this week. Oh well! I just don't have the energy to worry about everything all the time.

I got my fall decorations put outside in my entryway last weekend and started some preliminary cleaning for Thanksgiving. There are a few more things I want to get to decorate inside, we have a BRAND NEW Michael's in our brand new mall, and I'm hoping so much it opens in the next week so I can get some cool stuff. For those that don't know, Michael's is a big craft supply store. We had them in San Diego, and I am not the most creative person, but I loved Michael's. I felt like I could do anything when I was in there! LOL