I really need to get a grip and start writing in here. Actually the main reason is because my iron deficiency anemia is back with a vengeance and I am so dang exhausted all the time, all I can do is get through the day at work and then go home and collapse. I don't even have the energy to talk on the phone! Anyway, I am getting iron infusions again and hopefully will feel better soon. Thank God for my Native American health benefits, I always said that I'd never use them until I needed to...and when I got laid off a year and a half ago, I lost my insurance which was paying for my iron treatments at that time. So now I'm going to an Indian hospital nearby and they are helping me. :-)
So far the new living situation is not horrific, but not great either. I just really want MIL and SD to go away. MIL is not so bad when SD isn't around, which is hardly ever...so if it was just me, hubby and MIL, I think it would be ok. BUT MIL is so obsessed with SD and her son that it's just stress and drama 24/7 pretty much. I'm glad to be at work most of the time, and the rest of the time I'm trying to sleep, so I don't have to deal with it much. I feel so sorry for my hubby, dealing with these two lunatics and not getting to spend much time with me. SD and her son have been gone since Saturday, and it's been wonderful...they are coming back this Sunday or Monday and I wish they'd just stay there, of course. I miss my grandson, but not enough to want SD back! I'd love just being a 'normal' grandparent to him and see him often, without the stress of him living with us. Is that a terrible thing to say?? Actually, I'd be great with him living with us without SD and MIL...I'd finally have the son I always wanted to have with my hubby. Everyone thinks he is ours when we're out with him anyway...he looks just like my hubby. He's a gorgeous little boy. Huge blue eyes with lashes that brush his cheeks. Oh well.
I really like our new house, I'm hoping to find work somewhere that pays more than I'm making now so we can stay there, should MIL and/or SD leave (which is what I want). I'd love to be able to buy the house, but I don't see how that could happen. Right now it's nice to be able to call the owner if something goes wrong and get it fixed! LOL
Anyway, here's something I wanted to share with you...these are my two all-time favorite wild animals, and this picture just made me melt all over the floor. Enjoy!!
Click here!

I found my dream horse today.

In case I never mentioned it before, I am horse-crazy and have always wanted a Palomino. I thought I wanted an Arabian, but today I found the most gorgeous and reportedly sweet Palomino Tennessee Walking Horse!
I don't know a thing about that specific breed, but I read many owners' updates on horses they bought from this particular ranch, and they seem to be an amazing horse to own. The ranch's website is Cloud9Walkers.com and they really seem to take pride in raising and training their horses to be pretty darn close to perfect!
Isn't that funny that I'd be looking at horses at a time in my life that I don't have money or room for one? And isn't it sad that I found the horse I would adore for the rest of my life? Sigh.... it's just like that darn pink bike all over again, only a million times worse!

Homeless no more

Good news! We found a place to move. I am very relieved that there will finally be some stability in my life. It's been a long, hard road.
The house is nice, it's a year newer than our house we have now (5 years old), it has a fenced yard and a large covered patio so we can finally put our brand-new-still-in-the-box patio furniture to use. We will section off an area of the patio and yard for the doggies, and they will still have access into the house when the weather gets hot (which it's well on the way... 87 degrees today!). That way the area of the patio won't get all messy from them running around, and I won't have to worry about them eating the cushions! We've had this patio furniture since right after our house was built and kept it for the day we'd get the yard walled in and a pool. That day never came! I'm glad hubby talked me into keeping in the boxes. Anyway, the house is 3 bedroom, 2 bath, almost 1700 sq. feet (our house now is 2200 sq ft), but it seems large enough because it has an open floor plan that is very popular out here. We live on a very busy street now, and the new house is on a quiet cul-de-sac, which will be great for my grandson. It has a landscaped yard, which our house doesn't, and a huge garage (thank God) which is actually bigger than our 1800 sq. ft. garage we have now (yes, it's gigantic)... let me tell you, that was a big concern because we didn't know how we'd fit all the stuff from our garage into a 2 or 3 car regular garage. It's really a lot like our house now in many ways, which I think helped me think it could work out. We are planning on getting an above-ground pool at some point. The landlord is the builder of the house and is super cool. We are very lucky to have found him and the house. He was with us when we looked at it on Saturday, and decided that the carpet in the master bedroom (which I thought just needed cleaning a little), needed to be replaced completely! I was blown away. He's going to have the landscaping freshened up, the carpet replaced, and the place cleaned from top to bottom. Awesome!
We started to go into our speech about how we got to the point of losing our house, and how bad our credit was, and why we weren't horrible people for it, etc., and he goes, "I just want someone who will pay the rent and take care of my place! I know how bad things are, and that's the kind of people I'm looking for." I was like, "Well, then we are your people! We have always paid rent/mortgage ahead of the due dates, and when we were renters, we took care of the place as if it was ours. We always leave a place better than we found it! Look, here's a letter from our previous landlord stating just that!!" He laughed and said, "That's great! I'll keep the letter, but I really don't need it, just fill out the application so I have your information if I need it... it's a very short basic application." So I whipped out a very detailed application I'd already filled out for a different rental we were thinking about, and said, "Will this work? It doesn't have any company name on it, and it has a ton of information!" He looked at it and looked at me and said, "You're something else!" My hubby laughed and I said, "You got that right!" So we gave him some money to hold it, and we'll be moving in on or possibly even before the 1st of April. :-)
My MIL is due to arrive next Tuesday, I'm nervous how it will be with her living in the house with us, although she has done a complete 180... I still don't trust her. It will be nice having someone on our side though, when it comes to the idiot step-daughter and her failed attempts at parenting. I just have to grit my teeth like I've been doing (they are worn almost to nothing!), and get through it. Seems like that's the story of most of my married life, but with the economy being what it is, there is no other choice right now. It won't be forever living with these people, but I really hope it won't seem like it....LOL

That's life (that's life), that's what people say.....

So. Here I am. It's a beautiful day today, and I am off work in 52 minutes. I can hardly wait to get out there in the fresh air and sunshine. It has been one HELL of a week, but I am going to go with the flow and just move on.
Monday our house went up for sale/auction or whatever happens when the bank won't let you keep it... even though we've been negotiating/fighting with them since September. We actually haven't been able to pay a regular payment since July, but they wouldn't even talk to me until the loan was 2 months overdue. It looked for a while like we might be making some headway with them, but toward the end (the last month), my hubby and the guy who was trying to help us with all this were only able to get through to people in Costa Rica, or Honduras. They are the "guard dogs" of the actual bank negotiators who can actually do something to help people like us. There was NO getting through to a negotiator in the U.S., no matter how hard we tried. And they call themselves Bank of "America"... HA! That's a big, fat lie.
Anyway, we kinda had a little heads-up that this was going to happen as of last Friday so we started looking for a place to rent last weekend. We have been looking all week and have some more looking to do this weekend. I really don't know how we'd do it if my hubby wasn't home, he's really good at this kind of thing... but if he was working right now too, we'd be screwed. So that's good. It's been a challenge finding a place that we can make work because we live in a small town and we have a 2 dogs, a motorhome, boat, 2 trailers, the step-daughter, the grandson, and (yes, you heard it right) the MIL is coming back!!! She is actually going to be living in the house with us... I'm worried, but she seems like she's finally seen the light about what a good son she has, so maybe it will be ok. I just really don't know why I have to keep putting up with the two most toxic people in my life, but I figure God has a reason and it will all be worth it some day. Our goal is to find a place that isn't too expensive, and with MIL's help we can save some money and hopefully be able to buy another place in a year or two. It's not such a far-fetched idea, since many homeowners are carrying the papers for buyers with a moderate down payment. I'm sure things won't be too different in the next couple of years as far as the economy and home prices will still be low.
My sister had quite a health scare in October, there is a mass on her lung and our family has been very worried about her, she had a biopsy a couple of weeks ago, and it isn't cancer (thank God), but it does cause her pain at times and now they have to figure out what caused it and how to treat it. She is my very best friend and I love her so much, I would absolutely fall apart if anything happened to her. It's always been her and I, we grew up in little towns where friends lived too far away to play with except for at school... so all we had was each other. Then in later years, after my mom and dad divorced, it was my mom, my sister, and me. We are very, very close.
I'm so lucky to have them! And my hubby, and my friends, and my Harmony, and my doggies, and my angel baby grandson...LOL. Life can be good in the midst of chaos!

A new year, a new strength

Thank you, Harmony, for being my faithful friend. How sad that I'd almost forgotten my own blog... and being so wishy-washy about reading my favorites.
I just read my last post, and aside from being shocked that it was written in September(!), I was pretty bummed that I was so depressed. Of course, in reading it, I certainly understood why. However, I have some updates...
I am now working full-time for my hubby's foot doctor. It is a great job, and I really get to show off my organizational skills... this place was a disaster with the other girl running things (she's gone now). Bills weren't getting sent out, so we weren't getting money in, there were stacks of papers and charts all over the place like you wouldn't believe... just shoved in any available corner and covered with dust. Important information that hadn't been filed in over a year in patients' charts... it was unreal. Thank God, that kind of thing is right down my alley, and it's taken me almost 3 months to get (for the most part) the upper hand on things, along with (I'm not kidding) dozens of big garbage bags of shredded and useless paperwork and hours of rearranging. It's been very stressful doing all this while trying to run a Dr.'s office, but I have to admit it's also been kinda fun. Now everything is getting to feel like it's mine... and I know where and how everything is.
Our home is supposed to foreclose on February 5th, but we are working with a HUD approved company, Take Charge America, who is helping us negotiate with B of A to get a temporary modification. If we are able to make the payments for a certain amount of months, then they will do a permanent modification. That's the idea, anyway, and that is what I'm praying will happen. We may not know until a week or less before the sale date... isn't that stupid? All of us in the same boat have to jump through 1,000,000 hoops, while stressing out that we'll get denied and lose our homes... and they make us wait until the last possible second. Anyway, the guy we are working with seems pretty optimistic it will happen. Especially since I can now provide paystubs for permanent income, our guy said that is a huge plus for us.
Hubby is in the process of applying for disability, his back is now bothering him so badly that he can't stay in bed for longer than 2-3 hours a night. This has been a gradual condition that's worsened over the past 2 years, so between his foot and his back, he can't sit, stand, or lie down for more than a couple hours at a time. We have to be realistic in that no one will hire him with those kinds of limitations... and being 50 years old...with no formal education. He is super smart with electronics, music, building stuff and teaching, but his physical condition won't allow him to pursue any kind of career at this point. Apparently, the bank will also look on this favorably... as it is better than unemployment... which they don't see as permanent income.
On the DIL front, her attitude is a bit better, her son isn't melting down as often, so things aren't too bad at home right now... of course I'm gone 9 hours a day so maybe I don't see much of it. I feel SO SORRY for my hubby, who has to be trapped in the house constantly (which is driving him crazy), and SHE is there 99% of the time (instead of working and contributing to the household she's freeloading from). It must be a nightmare.
Christmas was pretty good, my MIL came out on Christmas Eve day, and I was heading the opposite direction to my mom's house...LOL. Really though, money was so tight that my mom and sister rented a car for me to drive to my mom's house where my sister was visiting, to be with them Christmas Eve. It was a 4 hour drive each way, and I've never been away from my hubby overnight before for something for myself. He used to have to leave for a week at a time when we were first married and he was in a band, but I've never left him for anything. I never would have left him on Christmas Eve either, but his mom was there, so I thought it would be ok. I came home Christmas Day, tired but happy. I want to do that again soon, and spend more time out there. It was really fun. When my grandson came home from his dad's that afternoon, we had a good time watching him open his presents. He was really into Christmas this year and it was cool. We'd put a little money away to spend on him for Christmas, and MIL brought a bunch of presents too.
So... all in all... I'd have to say that this year is starting out pretty well, and I am cautiously optimistic. If nothing else, I am stronger for all our trials and tribulations, when I'd never dreamed that I had more strength to tap into.
Life is full of surprises, eh?
P.S. Wellbutrin is a wonderful thing....LMAO :-)

I never thought I would be a statistic...

We are about to lose our home. There, I said it. I can't tell you how difficult it is for me to accept that this is going to happen. I am a fighter by nature, and this is a terrible admission. My husband hasn't worked since March, is collecting unemployment, and I am only working part-time for his foot doctor. In other words, our income is roughly 1/3 than it was when we were both working full-time.
The company he worked for (owned by the 'friend' we gave up everything for and moved out here to work with), closed and the 'friend' moved back to San Diego. There is no more band (I didn't even get a chance to perform in front of an audience), and the 'friend' had the audacity to complain about the fact that his job waiting for him in San Diego with Costco only paid $21.00 per hour. He actually said this to my husband who has NO JOB, NO PROSPECTS, LIMITED SKILLS, IS ALMOST 50 YEARS OLD, and don't forget, GAVE UP EVERYTHING TO WORK WITH HIM!!!!!
It makes me sick. But then, what else is new? I'm sick all the time now. The stress is really wearing on my health, and I still haven't been able to get my iron infusion that I've needed since January. At least I'm not hungry, therefore not eating, therefore losing weight. The stress diet is a sure thing for me.
I remember thinking everything I went through last year was so horrible, well, this year has really put it all to shame. My MIL moved back to San Diego (again), but the DIL and grandson are still living with us (of course!) and it is just awful. The whining, the melt-downs, screaming, and crying from him... and piss-poor attitude from her are making me want to give everything up. I really don't know why I am fighting to keep the house and going through the nightmare of trying to get a loan modification, if all I can see in my future is what I'm having to deal with now. I have started to leave twice now, she's been threatened to be kicked out twice now. But really, what does that solve? I leaves our grandson with no home and neither one of us can stand the thought of that. If I leave, I lose my hubby and break both our hearts. But honestly, I'd rather leave and have his broken heart on her conscience (knowing it was her fault), than having his broken heart on my conscience for kicking the grandson to the curb with her (and having it be because of me).
I just don't know what to do. Always before, when there was trauma and drama to get through for my hubby, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. "Well, the kids will be grown and gone someday", "Well his parents are old, and this won't last forever", "Well, it's worth it because we are getting our dream house", "Well, we gave up our dream house to come here and lose everything, but we still have each other." And now, I don't feel like I even have that. I have given up everything for him and his family and it's gotten me nowhere. My dad has little to nothing to do with me because he was shoved to the side for so many years, and my mom and sister too... although they forgive me and we are on good terms.
I have never felt like this before, I feel lost and alone. I don't know who I am, or where the real me went... or when she was gone for good.
I'm tired. Tired of crying, tired of complaining, tired of reasoning, tired of giving in and giving up, tired of explaining, tired of being angry and bitter.
I'm sorry.

A belated RIP to Michael and my childhood...

My mom called me in tears at work Tuesday, after watching Michael Jackson's memorial. my hubby was recording it for me, so I didn't know anything about what I was going to see, hear, or experience. She told me it was beautiful and very sad, and I told her I wasn't sure if I should watch it then, because I have been very stressed out and emotional lately. So much so, that I really hadn't accepted that MJ was truly gone. I didn't know if the memorial would send me into a downward spiral or help me start the grieving process. She said I should definately watch it, but only when I thought I was ready.
I got home from work and was talking to hubby about it. He'd been watching it all day, along with the commentary about things Michael had done that were so amazingly good, that hubby had no idea about. He wanted to know why no one ever reported on any of the good stuff and why MJ didnt' have a publicist or something to make it all known and to get credit for it. I told him that people (for the most part) pay more attention to dirt and negative things, so the media reports it and makes more money. I also told him that MJ didn't want credit for his good deeds, he did them because he was an extraordinary, kind, and gentle soul. My husband had a whole new perspective of MJ, and believe me, that was amazing in itself, because he was a hard-core skeptic when it came to MJ and his relationships with children. I'd tried and tried over the years to make him understand my feelings from DEEP in my heart that MJ didn't do those terrible things to those kids, but it was too far-out for him to get. And I understand that most people didn't get it, either. But I did. Don't ask me how, but I understood MJ completely. It hurts so bad to think of the pain he endured, all the while trying so hard to help people. We didn't deserve him.
He was such a huge part of my (and millions of others') childhood. My sister and my cousin were giant fans, my sister had a red jacket from the "Beat It" video, and she and my cousin would put on shows for us. It was hilarious. I've been a fan since I was 4 years old, listening to 8-track tapes of the Jackson 5 and the Carpenters in my parents' car. My mom told me once, that after listening to "I'll Be There" with her in the car, I sighed, turned to her and said, "I love him and am going to marry him when I grow up." Isn't that funny?
It seems every stage in my life had Michael in it somehow. There will be an emptiness now. I will miss him terribly and am so thankful I was alive during his time on Earth. He was an inspiration as an entertainer, and as a truly good person.

Has it really been 3 1/2 months?!

Ok people, there is a whole slew of blog awards for really great blogs and their writers. I hereby state that there should be an award for "Most Inconsistant Blogger" (which is kind of an oxymoron since if you are the most inconsistant, than that is consistantly inconsistant, which isn't inconsistant at all). I am going to just throw out there that I should be the first recipient of this award. Anyone care to second this nomination? Anyone? Hello??!!

Ahem. Anyway, for those of you who might check in from time to time and see that there hasn't been an update in over a trimester of pregnancy (Hi Audra! Welcome little Olivia!), I am going to let y'all in on my life.

I am working again. Thank God. I was off for over a month after the bakery closed. I now work for the doctor who fixed my husband's foot. We got to be good friends with him and as soon as he was able, he put me to work. I take care of his adorable 1-year old daughter on Mondays, and work at his office the rest of the week. I am happy to be back in the medical field again, it's easy work for me, but I also am learning a lot... since I've never worked with feet before. I really feel that this is a rewarding field as far as helping people, because foot pain and problems are easily some of the worst things that can be wrong with someone. I mean, you can't just decide to walk on your hands, after all.

Hubby's foot is doing great. Everything is healed perfectly and he is walking on it very well. The ultimate test and proof for both of us was a couple of weeks ago, grocery shopping at WalMart. He was able to get all the shopping done with me, without sitting down to rest or using a motorized cart. Also, we took the boat out on Easter Sunday with some visiting relatives, and I had to park the truck pretty far away... he walked to the truck no problem. It was so awesome.

My husband has been in bands for over 30 years. He started a new band with his foot doctor, and a couple of guys he'd been in bands with before. I've always wanted to sing backups, but never had the chance (all his previous bands were established, or I was rasing kids, or working full-time, etc.). Well, I spouted off that I wanted to sing in the band too, and he took me up on it, so now I am the back-up singer!!! We are in the rehearsal stages right now, but are looking to play locally from time to time toward the end of the summer. I really got scared when hubby told me he told the band I wanted to sing, and they said why not... I wasn't sure I could sing well enough and almost chickened out. Then I thought, "well, I've always wanted to do this, and at this age I most likely won't get another chance... so I really should go for it." I've never sang in public before except for Jr. High choir and I can't say I won't be terrified our first few gigs, but it's fun and I am a better singer than I thought. It's totally different though, hearing yourself through a speaker than just in your head with the radio....LOL. You have to listen to yourself OUTSIDE of your head... it's weird and hard to explain, but cool.

My home situation went from bad to worse. My MIL is now living in her 5th wheel in our backyard. I hate it. On a bit of a bright note, she went back east a couple of weeks ago and it took some stress off my mind, but I think she is planning on flying back (on her broom... ha ha Harmony!) this weekend. I wish she would just stay there forever. I also wish my step-daughter would go too. Yep, she and her son are still living with us. I can say that things are marginally better as far as that goes, but she has to be ridden HARD to keep up with the things she is supposed to do around the house. She is exactly the same as she was when she was a kid. She still doesn't have a job, but I will give her the fact that nobody can get work in this town right now.

Hubby's work has been somewhat better with the big asshole gone, but they are really slow and he is only getting part-time hours most weeks. We are hanging on by a thread, but that's better than no threads like a lot of people... I am thankful for anything.

Ummmm, let's see... I can't really think of anything else going on, hubby and I are getting over the flu (again), my iron levels are down again (don't know if I ever posted about that before or not), it's getting hot here, and I need to lose 30 lbs. LOL!
We got some really gorgeous pictures of Storm last week, and as soon as the our friend sends us the disc of proofs, I'll post one or two for you guys.
I really REALLY want to post regularly again, I can get online at lunch time so maybe I can sneak in a quick post at least once a week (sheesh)... I think it helps my mental state to write stuff down, although my favorite things to post are upbeat and/or funny. Maybe someday I'll get to that point again. I hope.

OMG... two posts in one week!

Yep, it's true. I'm posting today. Hubby is sick with the flu, he's been off all week (slow at work again), baby is asleep, step-daughter is watching tv, dogs are napping. I should be cleaning the house, but really, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I get resentful that no one really helps much to keep it up, and I am tired of being mad. It's making me sick.

Hubby (in his infinate wisdom) actually said, "Well, this is what you've been wanting for so long... to stay home and keep house!" Is he kidding me? Yes, I've been longing for years to be able to stay home and keep up the perfect house, and have dinner ready when he gets home from work, and grocery shop and all the rest. BUT... not under these circumstances. It's chaos here from sun-up to sun-down. I meant BY MYSELF. I do not do well with constant stress, noise, and confusion. I get nothing accomplished, and all I can do is think about escaping. It would actually be better if it was just the baby here. My step-daughter's presence raises the stress-level in this house to ridiculous heights. Even the baby is 1,000 times calmer when she is out doing things and I, or my hubby and I are taking care of him. It's insane.

I don't know what I'm going to do, because I really don't think I can do this much longer. Then I realize there is no end in sight, and I get very despondant about that. I keep thinking I'll get used to it, like I have so many other times about crap I've had to deal with like this, but I'm just not so sure this time. For one thing, I don't want to get used to it. That's a big difference. I tend to suck things up and just keep going. Because I want to. But I don't think I want to play that game with myself any more.
On a good note, we got a call the other day from hubby's boss (the supposed friend), who told us that the SOB foreman up and quit with no notice! We were stunned and thrilled all at the same time. I am hoping that this will make his life way easier at work, the physical part will still be hard, but at least there won't be a scumbag piece of shit on his ass all the time and turning everyone there against my hubby. We'll see how it goes, but it should be a million times better. Thank God!
I'm still not working, but am collecting unemployment for now, which oddly enough, is a tiny bit more than I was making at the bakery. It's still not enough to pay all the bills, but it's better than nothing. I have an interview next Tuesday at a Dr.'s office for part-time front desk help, and it comes with benefits too. I'm curious to see what the pay is, hours are, and bennies they include. I'm excited though!

Bruised and bloody, she rises from the battlefield

I would imagine some of you (hi, Harmony!) think I've disappeared from the blogosphere forever. Well, truth be told, I almost did. Then I read a post on my good friend's (hi, Harmony!) blog about how some people are way too caught up on being busy.

Guilty as charged.I'd like to think that some of the information on my life that I've shared, would have readers nodding their heads and saying, "Yes, she certainly is a busy girl". And, in light of recent developments which I will illustrate in a minute, I still think I can utilize the excuse of being "too busy". I will also cite exhaustion as a runner-up excuse. However, I don't want to play that game any more. As I sit here typing away, I realize that I am feeling a sense of satisfaction at having done something for me... for ME. Small as it is, I feel good doing it. I can chalk this up to being a good day. I am blogging, and I took Storm and Ben to the dog park. For once, I didn't let "too busy" or his good friend "too tired" get in the way.

Thanks for the swift kick in my cushy posterior, Harmony.

Now for the newest updates (trumpet fanfare please)....

**My stepdaughter left her boyfriend, now she and my two-year old grandson live with us. They have been here since about a week after Thanksgiving. I do not know when they will be moving out, if ever. I now have a toddler terrorizing the house. I love him dearly, but this is hard and unexpected. The house is a shambles, my step-daughter is a slob, and my grandson has major issues with listening, since he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. Both is parents are incredibly lazy. It was too much work to teach him any discipline. I have to say he is getting better with some structure in his life and he adores my hubby and I.

**Christmas was good. My sister, her fiancee', my mom and her fiancee' came out to our place this year. It was all I could do to get all the decorations up, and I only did so because I realized that this was the only Christmas they would be getting. My hubby helped me a lot while I was at work, and we got it done. The house looked beautiful. My family was very appreciative of the work and we had a great time. They were here from Tuesday until Saturday.

**I have lost 22 pounds since starting my new job. Which is really funny if you think about the fact that it's at a bakery. I was running my ass off for 8 to 9 hours 4 to 5 days a week and only eating once a day. We weren't allowed to sit down at all, and if we ate during our shift, it was standing up when we got a spare minute. No breaks!!!

**Just when I was getting used to the above-mentioned job, and my feet didn't hurt like motherfuckers and my back wasn't screaming and I didn't collapse in a heap when I got home... the bakery closed. That's right. CLOSED. The financial backers got greedy and made demands on my boss that she couldn't deliver on, so they decided to bankrupt the business and take a loss. Mind you, this was a very busy and popular restaraunt and we were making good money... but it had only been open a year and was just barely starting to turn a small profit. So that's that. We got called in to a meeting this past Monday and told the bad news. I'd just worked the day before, and that was the last day we were allowed to be open. It's unbelieveable. So now I'm looking for another job. Great.

**Hubby's foot is totally healed. There is a small area where the ulcer was that just needs one of the big-size band aids, but other than that, he is wearing regular tennis shoes and walks around pretty darn good. There is still quite a bit of swelling, and his foot gets tired and sore, but nothing like the pain he was in before he got it fixed. Actually his knee on his other leg hurts the most now, but it's because the knee is having to re-align from a lifetime of bearing all the weight and walking crooked, to the ligaments and tendons are protesting at their new position. The doctor said this will all resolve itself over time. We have become good friends with his foot doctor, in fact my hubby is starting a band with him...LOL. They are together right now practicing with the other guys. So funny.

**My crazy mother-in-law is going to be living in our back yard. She decided she made a mistake leaving here so fast, and will be moving her 5th wheel to our place in the next few weeks. I am not looking forward to this at all. However, she will be paying us some rent, and helping with grocery shopping, and my hubby won't have to worry about her so much. At this point, we need all the money help we can get. With me losing another job, and hubby FINALLY back to work full-time (he only worked 16 hours the month of December... they were "too slow" to have him come in), we need to do whatever we can to save our house.

**I never wished my beautiful Storm a happy birthday. He turned 2 years old on December 7th. I love him so much, he is my guardian spirit. Happy birthday my beautiful boy.

Life changes

Just when I thought things were going to get back to (semi) normal, I was laid off from work on Nov. 14th. I was shocked and very sad, as that was the perfect job for me. I went right out and applied for unemployment, which is taking 3 to 5 weeks to process here in Arizona, and then went to see my friend who owns the most popular bakery/restaraunt in our town to tell her what happened. She immediately offered me a job, and I have been working for her as a waitress and barista since the 18th. I am very lucky to have a job during these times, the job situation here is dismal at best. I like working for her a lot, and the other people there welcomed me with open arms. The only bad thing is, is that I am on my feet all day, and after having sitting down jobs for the last 16 years, my feet are ready to disown me. I am in agony by the 4th hour of my shift, and I can't afford to buy really good server shoes, so I just have to tough it out. It is very hard. VERY HARD. But at least it's fun and I feed off everyone's energy, so that helps.
Hubby's job has been very slow. His foot is continuing to do well, just sore at the end of the day, but he is trying to walk more without crutches in his boot. The Dr. says that he could be in regular sneakers by Christmas! The ulcer is continuing to heal, and it looks like he'll be good as new after all.
We had a nice Thanksgiving, our oldest daughter and her boyfriend came out to cook dinner for us all, and our good friends came out (all from San Diego) too. Our youngest daughter and her lame-ass boyfriend and our little grandson came down, and our nephew and his wife were over as well. It was loud, and fun. I am going to attempt to clean the house tomorrow, now that everyone is gone. I'm takin' it easy today, since Thursday was my only day off last week. I have today and tomorrow off, thank God.
I won't be posting as much (yeah, like I did so much before), but I will try to once a week. I will also try to stop in my favorite blogs once a week as well.
Wish me luck!

Feelin' mushy...

I just wanted to share one of my favorite songs. I had a wild crush on Barry Gibb when this song came out, and this video just happened to be on TV one night while my parents were watching. I heard it from my room, came out into the hall and just stood there with goose bumps and tears in my eyes. He was so gorgeous and their perfect voices just reduced me to a puddle on the floor.
Anyway, just so you know, I got goosebumps and tears all over again just watching this video. Suddenly I was 13 years old...

Bee Gees - Too Much Heaven


The only way I could get a link to come up was to e-mail the video to myself from Youtube, then copy and paste the e-mail in this post, after deleting everything but the link. It worked! :)

Happy birthday Ben!

Yesterday was Ben's first birthday. I found him online at a local (well, 45 minutes away) shelter. This was the picture they posted with his information. I was just scanning through pics and stopped dead at his. I fell head over heels in love. The look on his little face just killed me, like he was so shy and sad, that he just couldn't bring himself to look at the camera. That's all it took. He's adorable.

This was taken about 2 1/2 weeks before I found him and we adopted him. I told hubby about him and listed all the reasons why we should get a dog for Storm, and he agreed. The very next day, I think it was January 4th, we took Storm down to meet him and see how they got along. They were instant best friends. The lady told me that Ben was very good with other dogs, and very sweet but shy with people. It took about 3 weeks of working with him to gain his trust. He would wag his tail and entire rear end when we would try to get him to come to us, like he was saying "Sorry! I want to so bad, but I just can't!"
Anyway, I love him so much and he's the best thing that's happened to Storm. He is a great dog and I'm so thankful I found him. We took them to the dog park on Friday evening and they had a blast. There were a lot of dogs, and my dogs got along with everyone. I was very interested to see how Storm would do, it's been since last winter that he'd been to the dog park, and he did great. I had a feeling Ben would be just fine, but you never know when it's their first time... anyway he was a very good boy.

Hubby's foot is coming along. The ulcer has filled in and now it's just a matter of the skin growing over it... I still treat it twice a day. It will probably be a few more months before it's closed up. The Dr. took x-rays again on Monday and is super impressed with how the bones are healing. His joint fusions are already at 90% or more! He said that by Christmas, hubby should be walking in a regular tennis shoe! I can't believe it! That was such good news. His foot was really swollen over the weekend from working last week, but the Dr. said it was normal and that it would swell off and on for the next year. This particular surgery (Triple Arthrodesis) is notorious for swelling. AND, he said that it has a high risk of breaking down or not healing... so that was extra special good news about his bones healing so well and so fast! :)
He's been doing ok at work, but yesterday and today they didn't have enough work for everyone, so he and several other people got sent home. That's nice. I was really hoping for a full weeks' pay this week. Oh well! I just don't have the energy to worry about everything all the time.

I got my fall decorations put outside in my entryway last weekend and started some preliminary cleaning for Thanksgiving. There are a few more things I want to get to decorate inside, we have a BRAND NEW Michael's in our brand new mall, and I'm hoping so much it opens in the next week so I can get some cool stuff. For those that don't know, Michael's is a big craft supply store. We had them in San Diego, and I am not the most creative person, but I loved Michael's. I felt like I could do anything when I was in there! LOL

Vote America!!

I wanted to vote today before I went to work. Silly me, thinking there wouldn't be a line when the polls opened at 6:00 am! Wrong!! I got there at 6:10, and stood in line until 6:50, then I wham-bam voted and raced to work... getting there at the stroke of 7:00! Whew. By the way, it has cooled off significantly, and of course I was not prepared to stand outside in the wind... so I was cold, but it was worth it.
Anyway, I hope you all will take the time to vote today. This is an extremely important election year, and 'lil old you CAN make your voice heard!
I am wearing red, white and blue today, an American flag necklace, and my "I Voted" sticker proudly on my shirt!

Just a funny-odd sidenote, I dreamt that I met Sarah Palin last night, and she was super cool. We became friends and just hung out. I really like her! :)

It's November... why is it 90 degrees???

Where the heck is Fall? I'm beginning to think that there isn't going to be one this year. I think the reason I didn't decorate at all for Halloween is because it just didn't seem like I was supposed to. My plans for putting up all my Thanksgiving/Fall decor this weekend fell by the wayside too.

It was too. dang. hot.

I am going to have to do it, however, since we are having Thanksgiving at our house. My oldest step-daughter is coming out and wants to cook. Sounds good to me!

Hubby is back at work today. I had to drive him there. He starts at 6:00 a.m. and I start at 7:00 a.m. I got up at 5:00 (my normal time) and spent most of the next 45 mins helping him get ready. I figured I'd just finish getting ready at work, since I'd be there REALLY EARLY (hub's job is like 3 minutes away from mine). Instead I went to the local donut shop, had an apple fritter and read the paper until 6:45. Then I went to work and fixed myself up. It wasn't such a bad way to start the morning, actually. I liked seeing all the people come and go and listening to their conversations.

Hubby has a Dr. appointment today, which is good because the Dr. will get to see what his foot looks like right after his first day of work. Hopefully it will look ok to him. We want to ask him when hubby can start driving again. Then I can just help him get ready in the a.m., and then he'll leave. He's been doing pretty good walking on it here and there, he actually walked gingerly on it for me without crutches across the kitchen on Saturday. It was so cool, and strange having him be above eye-level with me again. Even on crutches, he's bent over and shorter than me. I hope he is going to be ok at work. I talked to him on his first break at 8:00 a.m. and he said he was ok....but his foot was hurting a little from being down for so long.

He made me a Halloween cake on Friday. It was the cutest thing. Here is a picture of me and my little friend. My shirt says "Spooky" on it, and this is what I wore to work.

I was really surprised to see how long my hair is now. I didn't realize until it was up in the ponytails. I like it! Just ignore the double chin, please! :-/

Weekend stuff

Harmony had the right idea, running away and sleeping. However, I didn't get the invitation from her until today... too late! Of course, our little get-away would have also involved eating lots of yummy stuff that is terrible for you... but who cares?? I think a fireplace, jacuzzi tub, and the softest duvets on our beds would top out the trip. It would be up in the mountains, and we'd have our footie jammies. DVD's and books. Sounds heavenly. The rest of you can keep your minds out of the gutter, please. :)

I did, however spend most of Saturday asleep. I woke up with a headache at about 7:15 and hubby suggested that I take a pain pill and just sleep for a while. So I did. I took a Percocet and the thing knocked me on my ass, but it was the most wonderful sleep, I put my ear plugs in and was a goner until 11:45. Then I got up, took a shower, had a PB & J, watched some TV and went back to sleep at about 4:00. Then I got up again at 6:30, ordered a pizza, watched more TV and went back to bed at 10:00! What a great day! I didn't even feel guilty about not doing any housework or laundry or any of the other 1,000,000 things I usually do on the weekend.
Sunday I got up at 8:00, made breakfast, put dinner in the Crock Pot (Corned beef and cabbage), flipped back and forth between the Cowboys winning (YAY), and the Chargers losing (BOOOOOOOOOOOOO), and then took a nap. Got up, did laundry, dusted, ate dinner and watched TV until it was time for bed.

Here are a couple of quick tidbits about me currently:
*I am reading Maureen McCormick's (Marcia Brady) book. So far it's not bad. I really like autobiographies of famous people. "The Dirt" by Motley Crue, "The Heroin Diaries" by Nikki Sixx, and "I'm With the Band" by Pamela DesBarres are favorites of mine. I read Brian Wilson's (Beach Boys) autobiography and it was excellent.
*I am addicted to "Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team". I wish that darn show was on for more than 1/2 hour, once a week. I always wanted to be a DCC!
*I need an intervention for the show "Intervention". I'm hooked, big time.
*I am in love with Simon Baker and his new show "The Mentalist". He is cute in an unconventional kind of way, and the show is really, really good. I remember feeling the same way when I first saw William Peterson and "CSI".
*I'm pissed off about the following shows being cancelled: Justice", "Shark", "Moonlight" and "Swingtown". What is wrong with these network people?? Each one of these shows were viewer-voted favorites, or generated a lot of buzz (which leads to viewership, idiots!). I don't get it.
*And last but not least, I want to meet and hang out with Judge Judy! I love her!

Serve me up and call me dinner...

'Cuz I'm drained. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and literally (thanks Aunt Flo!)
I feel like a cooked, limp, noodle.
Top Ramen, anyone?

Bzzzz bzzzz busy bee

Oh my gosh, I have been a most neglectful blogger. Harmony commented today, and I got it right when I was logging on to post! We are definately on the same wavelength! It's her son's birthday today, so stop by and give the kiddo some love!

First, I was going to ask a question about commenting. I don't know how bloggers usually respond to comments. Is it in the comment section? Or the next post? Or what? I've tried both, and neither one seems right.

Next, my hopes of owning my pink dream bicycle have been dashed. I did extensive research and many phone calls, finally ending up with the bike's manufacturer... only to be told that bike is discontinued! So I don't know, maybe one will show up on Ebay sometime, but not likely. My next goal is to get a pink Dyson vacuum. I have a fancy Kirby with all the bells and whistles, including the carpet cleaning system, but it is no longer suitable for my needs. Bummer too, because the thing cost over $1500.00 (hubby surprised me with it a few years ago). I am going to sell it, and use the money to buy a Dyson. I bet I'll still have to come up with some money on my own, though. There is no way I'll get even close to what that Kirby is worth. It's in great condition, too.

Got a good report (and the light at the end of the tunnel I was praying for) from the foot Dr. yesterday. He said I was doing a great job with the wound, and it was looking fantastic. He said we are definately over the hump with it's care, and hubby should be off antibiotics next week. He is going to take a culture of it one more time to be sure, though. He also told us that hubby could WALK on his foot in the boot a little, just steps here and there, and moving it around while he's sitting down. I was so happy!

Hubby's job continues to piss me off. The "friend" (boss) finally called last Thursday to see how he was doing, and hubby read him the riot act. Not in a mean way, just stating facts and basically asking him how he thought we were paying bills, etc. when he's been made to stay home. The guy said he didn't expect him to be Superman, just able to get around and be consistant, and that he could come back whenever he wanted. Hubby told him we'd borrowed money to get by until the first of the month, so he'd be back after that. Anyway, today I stopped by to get his check from the 1 1/2 days he worked, and hub's friend who takes him to the Dr. for me when I can't take that much time off work, said they told him that he can't go get him anymore. So the petty shit is starting already. What a bunch of stupid Jr. High crap.

I have been so caught up in everybody else's lives, that I have totally neglected myself. My car is running on fumes because I am too distracted to notice it was getting low. I have been out of my thyroid medication for 2 weeks- too busy. I missed my OB/GYN appt.- too busy. I'm so busy trying to do everything, that I'm not getting anything done. Does that make sense?? I'm tired and going through the worst PMS ever. I want to get awayyyyyyyyyyyyyy.......! At least my eyelid is just fluttering only occasionally now...LOL

Updates galore, and a spastic eyelid....

Ok, we'll get the foot thing over with first. We went to the Dr. yesterday and he took the cast off. Rather than putting a new one on, he decided to help me out (so much, you'll never know) by putting hubby in a removable boot!!! He is to keep it on at all times, so it's like a cast, but I can take it off to treat his wound... AND best of all, hubby can shower without it (no more struggling for 1/2 hour just to get the cast "water-proof"... that was a total nightmare). The Dr. said that it's to the point now, that soap and water are the best things for it, and I am to get aggressive with cleaning it out (which makes me feel faint, just thinking about it), using a soft brush (forget that!), or a washcloth to scrub it. UGH. Anyway, I'll just try to focus on the fact that a shower will only take 45 mins, instead of well over an hour. The Dr. also did x-rays and said the joints were fusing together great. That was very happy news, and he is pleased with how the bones are doing.

Hubby's job update is next. We have decided to just really tighten our belts and have him stay home this whole month. I feel a lot better not worrying about him at work right now, or when they will let him back. His boss(the wonderful "friend")hasn't even called since the foreman(scumbag asshole)sent him home! Isn't he wondering how we are going to make it with hubby out of work?? It's unreal. BTW Diva, he isn't union, there is no state disability in Arizona, you have to be disabled for a year to get Social Security Disability and have it be provable... which at this point the only documentation is what he's had done since July. Even though he had a debilitating condition with his foot his whole life. Our only recourse at this point is the ADA, but I am holding off on that for now until I talk to the bastard (friend/boss), because threatening law suits could cause them to let hubby go for good. And yes, Harmony, they are a bunch of idiot fucktards.

Mother-in-law update... she is in San Diego, living in a 5th wheel that she bought and we never hear from her. Which is the best thing that's ever happened to me, but is very sad for hubby... who feels like he lost both his parents. It makes me cry, how cruel she is to him.

Update about me. I am pretty good. It's getting hot here again, but I think it's the last hoorah before fall really sets in. It was so nice and cool last weekend, I can't wait for it to be like that every day. I'll be able to take the doggies to the dog park, and for walks.... which I need desperately too, so I can lose some weight! I've gained 40 lbs in the 2 years since I was diagnosed with Iron Deficiency Anemia... which sapped my strength and at my worst point, caused me to sleep 18 to 20 hours a day! Anyway, my last two bloodworks have been 100% normal. This is due to 4-hour long iron infusions every 2-3 months. I will need them for the rest of my life, but this is the longest I've gone without needing one! It's been since February. So now I can get some exercise. The only thing else I have going on is an eyelid that is fluttering and driving me nuts. I get this fairly often and it lasts for days... help.

Meme: 5 rad things about me, myself, & I

Given my state of mind lately (just call me Negative Nellie), this is going to be a bit of a challenge. But as Peter Pan says on his ride at Disneyland (over and over and overandoverandover while you're stuck in line), "Come on everybody, here we goooooooooooo!"

1. I am very compassionate. This makes me a good caretaker of people, and very good with any, and all animals.
2. I have a great work ethic. I have had only 7 jobs in 27 years, and that's counting summer or part time jobs when I was a teenager. The longest I've held a job was for 14 years at a veterinarian's office before we moved here. Even though I spend most of my time at my current job surfing the 'net, and blogging- ha!, I always make sure my work is done first, and my office is clean, neat and organized. There is so much down-time that I'd go crazy if I didn't have my computer here. But work always comes first.
3. I am very good at spelling, alphabetizing, and reading. I hated the first two subjects in school (always loved reading, though), but most of my jobs involved alphabetizing and so now it's second nature to me. I've seen how bad spelling can affect a person's view of someone else, and it's super important to me to spell correctly. If I don't know the correct spelling, I grab my dictionary right away! Guessing isn't an option!
4. I'm not a quitter. I've fought and persisted my way through unbelievable amounts of crap in my life. Not the least of which has been my marriage. We've been through so much. Not between the two of us, so much, but suffering through outside interference time and time and time again. I love my husband, and that's enough for me to stay with him forever. I will also stick with a project, or chore, until it's done. No matter how hard, tiring, or frustrating.
5. I (like to think I can) make people laugh. It's HUGE to me, for people to think I'm funny. I also have to have people who make me laugh in my life. I don't have many friends here, so thank God I found all you bloggers who crack me up every day.
**Bonus rad thing**
I'm very organized. I love to take a messy space and go to town on it. However, while this is a rad thing overall, it can be dangerous. I can get way anal over it. Like cleaning the house, for example. I'll end up cleaning for like, 8 hours straight when I get on a roll (which, thankfully, isn't very often), and just collapse (but not until it's done!!).

I'll tag 5 other people, but I don't know who reads my blog enough, except for Harmony, so if there are lurkers out there and you feel like it, I'm taggin' ya! Also, if you'd want to say hi in the comments, I'd sure like to meet you!